You made a big leap with this comment. I want to assume you meant well with it. It’s one of like 3 comments ever left on this page that cut a little too deep, largely because you included the phrase “I don’t know the reasons you take it.” So I will answer that here.
Yes, it’s an addiction. At a comically low dose. A prescribed dose. (.25mg per night). Why? Because I use it to sleep. I used to take more. (1mg.) What changed? I got better at physical movement and stress management to tire myself out. (That column’s been written.) Yes, I sit and face inward with being a human. I meditate. I do yoga. I spend a lot of time just sitting with my feelings. Feeling them. That’s been written everywhere on the rest of my page, too. And no, I’m not numbing my feelings or my brain. I used to do that with 2 bottles of wine a night. Now I don’t. (That column’s been written, too.)
I know. This sounds defensive. Maybe it is. I’m big enough to admit that I’ve had my sensibilities hurt. (But not big enough to *not* have my sensibilities hurt.) And I think it’s sad that this one quirk in my day-to-day life would cause someone to negate everything I said and thought in the other 1,500 words and the time it took to understand all these things. I know you said “no judgment.” I felt judged. And I don’t often feel that. Maybe I should look into getting off the half-pill per day, but after everything else I’ve quit in the past year, I’m okay with settling for my current substance intake.