This isn’t talking out both sides of your mouth if that’s what the partnership requires, what gives me pause, though, is that this is what the partnership *requires.* That neither of you can make enough, as currently constructed, to make it work, without falling into gender norms. Perhaps because wages are so goddamned stagnated, and because cost of living is so damn inflated, and because everything requires a side-hustle just to stay afloat, and because entrepreneurship is the only way out of the harsh realities that decent wages for dignified work just won’t do, perhaps it is predatory capitalism that’s causing you to feel like a 1950s housewife.
Look at it closely: what percentile are you in, as far as income? All but the top 10% are struggling in some fashion. The bottom 75% live paycheck to paycheck. The bottom 50% have negative net-worth, and are indentured servants to a system that preys upon all but the most privileged. I’m certain you’re a feminist. I’m certain you’re doing what works, to make you both work, but have you asked if perhaps another oppressive system is causing you both to fall into gender-normative roles just to avoid struggling?
(Now, perhaps you’re both doing far, far better than average already. In which case, you can take my comment with a grain of salt, as it may not be true for you. I’ll expect — nah, I know — that it’s a visceral reality for many couples right now.)