A take purge, and a fun little listicle for your Friday. — One of my exes used to call me “Mister Peanut Butter” (from BoJack Horseman) due to my relentlessly sunny and enthusiastic disposition. It’s true. In real life, I was pretty peppy. Though after 2020, I think my general vibe’s a bit more Ashley Olsen drunk-hiking with a machete. Now I…

And other related nonsense I’m old enough to know. — Alright, listen up suckers. Y’all are being swindled, so now I gotta let you in on a ruse. [C’mon Gorman, don’t lead off by digging at your reader base.] Err … I mean … I know y’all are smart, capable, well-meaning people; that’s why you’re diving into self-improvement content. There…

You’re probably not special. Yet if you can accept that, you can (possibly) become extraordinary. — I’m turning 40 in a couple of weeks. (I know; I keep mentioning this.) It’s surreal to think I’m about to turn that old — it’s also insane to know I’m only going to be that old. For most of 2022, I’ve tightly held those two perspectives — time flies…

I once had a Sports Illustrated byline. On the morning of July 8, 2016, I wrote tweets that ended my nine-year sportswriting career. Over six years later, I’m finally ready to address it all. — It was not even 10 a.m. After a late night of playing music at a downtown Austin dive bar, I was hungover as all hell, and not even halfway through my day’s first medium coffee. I remember IM’ing the head of social media for the global tech conglomerate that had…

They’re obnoxious, entitled, and endlessly repulsive. But what can they teach us about living well? — I am not a bro. I was never a football star, never got my kicks “smashing chicks,” and I’m not super into EDM or Acro-Yoga. I imagine you’re not like that, either. If I was forced to speculate, I imagine bros don’t kill their time reading think-pieces on Medium. [They’re…

If you’re reading this, you probably need them. — You know we’re scraping the bottom of the idea barrel when I’m back on my listicle bullshit. I’m not proud of it. …

No one talks about it, and you’re all missing out. — Most of the rules of internet writing are total bullshit. Not the basics: grammar, spelling, syntax. You need those to convey ideas clearly and not sound like a moron, an eight-year-old, or Marjorie Taylor Greene. No, I’m talking about the rules the content creators want you to abide by. The…

The real keys to health, wealth, and happiness are friends we made along the way. — I bet you’ve never heard anyone say the following sentence. If you have, I’m not sure anyone’s meant it. I myself can’t believe I’m about to earnestly write it, but come with me on this journey. You might wanna sit down for this. Ready? Here goes: [*sighs deeply*] This morning…